Twice the Abandoned
by Kim Who Knows
Summary: Companion piece to Twice the First. It hurt Susan to be the last one standing, even if no one ever meant to hurt her.


Susan is the last to be found.

"How could you?" Susan said, folding her arms. Her lip was down, pouting, a different pout than she used when ambassadors came, the one that showed of her full mouth. A bard had once called her lips, "the pillow of his dreams". Peter's face had been rather comical when that particular verse had been sung.

"Oh, come now, Su." Edmund said, swinging down from his saddle. His hands were red from gripping the reins. "Earlier you did say that you thought this was a silly game."

"We thought you weren't playing," Lucy added. Her hair had fallen from her braid and arched across her forehead. She sat tall in the saddle, looming over her brother and sister.

Susan felt slightly mollified at the truly regretful expression on her sister's face. "I was."

"We are sorry, Su. You know we'd have come found you if we'd known." Edmund said. "Peter's rounding up the others, and I think we're going to have another go at it. Join us?"

Susan nodded stiffly, trying her best to look indifferent. "Yes."

Lucy smiled, sunny. "You and I will look together. Peter's always hardest to catch. It's easier with two."

"I'd like that."

Lucy smiled and nudged her horse forward. "I've got to get Hava some water. I'll meet you in a moment!" Her hair, so long now, streamed out behind her as her mount galloped away, hooves thundering in the dust.

Susan felt a hand, gentle on her shoulder. "Su," Edmund murmured. "You know we didn't leave you on purpose. We'd never do that."

"Do you promise?" She said. "Not just in the game?"

Her brother's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?" He sat down upon the grass, folding his legs beneath him, spreading his cloak upon the dirt for his sister to sit on. Her gown spared, Susan took his invitation.

"I mean…you and Peter. You're always going off now. Peter's good with a sword, you know that, and more tournament invitations come everyday. And you. You're spending more and more time dealing with diplomatic relations. You were in the Lone Islands all last month."

"I'm not sure what you're getting at, Su."

"I mean…we'll always be together in the end, won't we? At the end of all things, we'll always be together? You won't be assassinated and Peter won't get himself killed?"

Edmund sighed, and lifted her hand, so small in his despite her advantage in age, stroking it gently with his thumb. "I can't promise that, Su. That's not in our hands. But I swear, as long as the choice is mine, I won't ever go where you can't follow. Peter would say the same thing."

"You do promise?"

"On my honor as a king, I promise."

Her foul mood disappeared.

* * *

Susan is the first to be lost.

"I am very sorry, ma'am." The man lowered his head in a quick bow, then turned away back toward the street, pushing his hat back onto his head.

Susan stepped back inside and shut the door. She stood still for a moment, staring down at her hands, her nails polished and her bracelets shining. She looked beautiful today. Her hair seemed especially lustrous, and her dress fit her the same way it had fit the model in the magazine.

She thought on this for a few moments, then slumped to her knees.

Gone.

All of them. Her parents, gone.

Peter---_hands gentle and strong holding hers, laughter like a river meeting the sea-- _gone.

Lucy--_a gentle hug around her waist, a sweet smile like sunshine trapped in human form--_gone.

Edmund--_honest eyes staring at her, a voice that calmed like the sweetest embrace--_gone.

And she couldn't follow. She couldn't follow.

She could never be certain how long she stayed that way, inches from the wall, on her knees, not crying, not mourning, only existing, but when she stood, her reflection met her in the window. Her hair was Edmund's hair, she thought. Night-dark against her pale skin.

Edmund.

"_On my honor as a king, I promise." _

The memory flooded in before she could stop it. She saw him there, his hair windswept and skin reddened by the sun.

Back when they played together as children. Back when 'once upon a time' was real.

"_I can't promise that, Su. That's not in our hands. But I swear, as long as the choice is mine, I won't ever go where you can't follow."_

She remembered. Terrible clarity came rushing at her. Cair Paravel, shining in the sunlight. Her own crown, silver and shining on her brow. Her oldest brother and younger sister dancing together in the great fountain in the courtyard. And Edmund…

She shut the image out. She blinked and only her reflection stared back at her.

"How could you leave me?" She said at last, and could suddenly feel the heat of her own tears on her cheeks.

"…_as long as the choice is mine…"_

"You great idiot." She whispered. "You always have a choice."

She turned away and let the betrayal consume her.


End file.
